I want to wish everyone a most wonderful Thanksgiving! Upon reflecting on what I’m thankful for, I realized that I have a whopping list that could fill the pages of a novel (as per usual) and I am so grateful just for the sheer magnitude of how many good things I have been blessed with in my life. I will name a few: the scrumptious spaghetti my mom made last night and the delicious meal I anticipate eating and re-eating today; my unswerving-ly supportive family, who is always rooting for me even when I’m far from achieving perfection and providing for me beyond what I deserve or even ask for; my parents especially who work tirelessly to make sure my siblings and I are happy; my friends: the new ones from school who are exceedingly kind to me even though I don’t always find time in my scholastically-engrossed schedule to hang out; and the friends from home who always embrace me with undiminished fellowship when I return, making it feel as though I never left. I’m grateful to all the people who have unknowingly helped shaped me to be what I am today but are perhaps no longer actively in my life: including old amigos, teachers in high school and elementary school, and authors of books that inspired me deeply. I’m so immensely lucky to have the opportunity to be educated in a place where I feel so welcome and I am challenged as well as validated. I especially appreciate the way my education has opened my eyes to some realities I wasn’t previously aware of, which aren’t always comfortable to recognize because they shatter certain illusions- but I feel lucky to get to feel my mind expanding with the introduction of new facts into my schema. I’m thankful for my wonderful job, which is extremely rewarding and is populated by the coolest co-workers and administrators. I’m so lucky to have transportation- thank you mommy for letting me borrow the car- as well as other material things that help me navigate this life (especially this beautiful house that my dad built), but are certainly not at the core of it. I’m so thankful for my wonderful pets- especially Toby, Meezer, Xango, Spike, and Gene- my lovebug boys. I’m immensely grateful for all of the support I’ve been given for my creative writing- on Facebook and Tumblr and in the classroom. That means a great deal to me. I feel so blessed to have someone in my life who dedicates time and effort to take care of me- and does so in a profoundly amazing way, bringing me immense joy and deep contentedness- thank you Joseph for being the hilarious, brilliant, and loving (and endlessly deserving of positive adjectives) person that you are- and for accepting and loving me back in a way that makes my every step feel lighter than gravity would normally allow. And thank you to his family who are always so insanely generously kind to me! I am grateful for the freedoms I have- especially the ones that allow me to roam nature and be awe-stricken in its beauty, which revives my soul each and every time. I’m grateful for changes made in the country- like allowing gay marriage- and for the fact that I have the freedom to lobby for others that are far from being realized. I’m grateful for the chance to be home and be with my family. And I’m immensely thankful for anyone who took the time to read this! Have a most splendid day everyone!
Driving home in the rain was quite frightening today; I very stubbornly stayed under 60 mph and caused a great deal of road rage with my turtle-like progress. Several times, I got washed over with spray from eighteen wheelers barreling by as well as all the other speeding passerbys and the entire time I was straining to see. I wished I was driving in a secret underground tunnel lined with fleece, mattress pads, cotton candy or something that made me feel more safe. It took me a half an hour longer than the GPS originally predicted, but it was worth it to get home without any sort of serious complications besides some precipitation. It comforts me to think that the same falling drops that were soaking me through with anxious were going to pool into puddles and slake the thirst of animals who have not yet packed up for hibernation’s winter-long hide and seek game. And I was motivated to keep pushing by the reward of getting to see my family I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow
I wrote you on my skin; skin is not provocative unless you imagine it so. I wrote every inch of you and you tasted like a fist in the sky above my heart. I want you, strong, full. Give me a reason to speak, a notion to reach your beach. My waters roll over you, salty, hot, frothy - you wait.
Silence breaks my bones like matchsticks in broom closets. Illuminating faces only to trace overgrown shadows between cracks in wooden floors. Silence dusts my soul with moth wings into volcanic structures speechless monuments formed by destruction. Silence breaks my bones within…
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”—"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver
I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
Clementine von Radics, “Mouthful of Forevers” (via oofpoetry)
Never hold grudges. Never give time a chance to seek revenge upon you by letting your pride get in the way of mending what is broken.
Take the high road, even if the other person doesn’t want to. Humility will save you a lot of guilt and regret down the road. If you need to forgive, forgive today. If you need closure, seek it today. If you need to apologize, now’s your chance.
Do it before circumstances prevent you from doing so.